The Spitvalve Podcast LXVIII – Mars Needs Airbenders

Play

What would we do without Bethteva James? Once again we are indebted to him and his lustful baritone, as he swings in to join us for the first episode in the all-new Goathead Studios. Not only that, but he’s the first guest to speak into our all new microphones, so you really get to experience that aforementioned lustful baritone. I think our next goal, technologically, is going to be having everybody’s microphone feed into separate episodes to be played at once on different stereos, Zaireeka-style. We discuss the character map, give some handy tips for summons Apple daemons (or iDaemons), and get all weepy.

Topics were:

I Wish I Could
Worst Book You’ve Ever Read
Things That Make You Cry (But Shouldn’t)

Click here for one weird tip.

The Spitvalve Podcast LXVII – 24 Karat Entertainment Center

Play

You might want to make sure you seat doubles as a flotation device before embarking on this journey. Join us as Wharff, Damon, and Cousin Caleb ramble on for a record 2 hour and 13 minute podcast. Seriously, we’re not joking. You’ll want to stick around for all of it too, as we are replete with nuggets of wisdom to share, like how you should compliment girls for smelling good. Serious, we could be charging for this stuff.

Topics Were:

First Date
Cartoon Smörgåsbord
Best Film in a Franchise

Click Here to make a party anywhere, anytime.

The Spitvalve Podcast LXVI – Changing Lives

Play

I was actually just thinking about the phrase “Tweet us your thesis” (*See Episode LI, True Believer!), and how it’s simultaneously satisfying and frustrating. I think the word hiatus is very much the same sort of sound collection. High ate us. Hee yat oos. Hiya!tus. It’s so nebulous. Ooooh! Nebulous is a good one. Why am I rambling about these words, lovely though they be? It’s because this episode was recorded months ago, and I didn’t really remember what was going on in it. But now I’m warmed up enough that I can tell you it’s a good one. James is our special guest, and Dave (imagine that, True Believers!) returns as cohost! So not only is this episode refreshing in that it’s our first post since my birthday, but it’s also Dave’s first appearance since Episode XXXII. Please forgive us if our references are somewhat dated, and if we complain about how hot it is. And please enjoy.

Topics Were:

First Albums
Best Gifts
Lord of the Rings Draft

Click Here to get a personal pan pizza because you read books as a kid.

The Spitvalve Podcast LXV – Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azerbaijan

Play

So, remember when least episode broke a longstanding duration record for this podcast? Well, turns out it loses the record already. Brennon is back, and when Brennon gets back the gift of gab because mighty with this crew. Come and be regaled by tales of vomit, jail, 50 Shades of Grey, fighting game interplay, Nightmare Before Christmas, Dark Souls, and French directors.

Topics Were:

Food Memories
Movies Soundtracks
Underrated Media

Click Here to have fun with some stories that bear a striking resemblance to a trademarked book series that you may or may not have ordered through Scholastic as a child.

The Spitvalve Podcast LXIV – I’m a Monster

Play

Alright everybody, remember that longest episode record we set a while back? Get ready for us to shatter it. Damon’s high school friend Sophie drops in to drop some mad truth on y’all about everything you could ever want to know in life, including how to get Dr. Who tattoos that are cool enough to make you legit, but not too obvious to tip your hand. If you notice that everyone is chatty and happy, know this: Damon installed a window air conditioner just moments prior to recording. That’s the magic of coolness everyone. Respect it. There is some good stuff here, and I’m not just saying that. The only disappointing thing is Wharff drops his best joke in the first quarter of the show, and just can never quite hit that stride again.

Topics Were:

Food Service/Retail Stories
Kid Candy vs. Adult Candy
Things You Miss About Utah When You’re Away

Click here to find the best ways to burn holes in them pockets.

The Spitvalve Podcast LXIII – To Catch Crumbs and Predators

Play

Howdy folks! Join us in a big, welcoming round of applause for Damon’s pizza friend – Jorden! That is to say, he’s not a friend made of pizza (which would be both wondrous and strange), but a friend Damon made while delivering pizza! Little do you know, while you’re just phoning and on-lining your orders for a thin crust, extra sauce, pepperoni and mushroom pizza, there is a wild, lush ecosystem of people putting in the work to deliver you that pie. And sometimes – just sometimes – a friendship can blossom right out of the greasy cardboard! This week laughs are had, tears are shed, and we all suffer from varying levels of heat-induced lethargy. Basically, it’s every family reunion you’ve ever been to.

Topics Were:

Worst Fashion Statements
Advice For 12-Year Old You
Let’s Play a Game – Build a Title

Click Here to buy something. Literally. Something. You’ll have no idea what it is until you get it and open it! Bring some spice into your shopping life!!!

The Spitvalve Podcast LXII – A Spitvalve Guarantee

Play

You guys, in case you’ve forgotten, Wade is really cool. Like really, really cool. Just an all around good guy. Trust us, you can trust him. He returns this week for the sleepy episode of the podcast. Never mind that it was only about 9 PM (that’s Mountain Standard for geographic reference, and 21:00 for those of you in the 24-hour clock persuasion). Don’t worry though, once these guys start talking theater, things perk right back up.

Topics Were:

How It Should Have Ended
Musicals
Melee vs. Ranged

Click Here to learn about dat bombardment, girl.

The Spitvalve Podcast LXI – Butt Dial Diaries

Play

Be honest, your butt had more than a few conversations with your friends and families back in the day. Back in the good old days when phones were made from unbreakable plastic, and there was no app store, there was only Snake. Glorious, glorious snake. You guys, James is back, and he is more beardy than ever! It might not come over the mic too clearly, but just take our word, it’s there, and it’s beautiful. Since James is on, we have to talk about scary stuff, so make sure you’re not wearing your good pants. Another standard with James being on the show, is we all have a lot to say. That might just be a standard anyways, but hey, that’s why you guys pay us the big bucks!

Topics Were:

Your Hipsterism
Scary Stories
Fighting Game Battle Royale

Click Here to make Homer Simpson back into any picture on your computer! Seriously!

The Spitvalve Podcast LX – Blitch

Play

Sorry about the delay everyone, Wharff fell asleep in the editing booth. Again. Seriously, that kid needs to track his blood sugars or something. However, never you fret, because in this episode most supreme and excellent guest star Liz returns to once again delight your souls and whisper sweet nothings into your earholes. Okay, full disclosure, she doesn’t actually whisper so much as talk at a normal volume, but you could turn the volume real low and pretend. Only, don’t turn it too low, or it will just sound like Wharff talking normal, Liz whispering, and you’ll forget Damon is even there – he’s a broadcast professional. Also, since Damon is always on top of things, a lot of those links he’s been throwing on Facebook might make a bit more sense after listening. Also, take some time out of your day to drop us a line and tell us we’re wonderful. Or any subset of us is wonderful. We always love hearing from you!

Topics Were:

Fix a Film
Favorite Worst Music

Click Here to make sweet human appendage music.

The Spitvalve Podcast LIX – A Sample of Your Own Probe

Play

Alright, alright, keep your hats on. The title sounds much more inappropriate out of context. I mean, I’m sure it’s still a little inappropriate IN context, just not as much. This week, we are joined by super great friend Kristen! And don’t let her subtle ways confuse you – she’s a feisty one. We talk about all sorts of random things to start things off this week, we probably don’t even roll for topics until 20 minutes in! Take that half-hearted listeners! Also, we are super touched by the outpouring we have received on social media this week. The number of people who saw our Facebook posts grew by 39,900%! For real, we’re not making that up. Facebook whispered it into our ears as though it was a sweet nothing. Also, make sure you stay until the very end, because Katie gets on the mic just under the wire! Serious guys, this is a good one.

Topics Were:

Childhood Career Dreams
Best Films in Famous Franchises (some alliteration, y’all)
Spaaaaaaaace!!!

Click Here to pretend you’re big brother a la 1984. Serious, tell George Orwell where to stick it.