The Spitvalve Podcast LXXII – T-U-R-T-L-E Hour


Cyber Monday is still a thing, right? Or do we not move Christmasward with our Black Friday encroachments?

Speaking of Black Friday, did you know that it is called Black Friday because it’s terrible? Don’t by into the big business spin that it puts them “in the black.”  Just remember that every time you see a major corporation use the term Black Friday, they are admitting they are terrible. Laugh along with me.

Oh! Also! The episode this week is a very special one. Watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie with us! Get it cued up to the start of the New Line Cinemas logo and we will tell you when to hit play. Hopefully your VHS copy isn’t so warped that it throws our laser-accurate timing off. It’s currently streaming on Netflix, and I bet you can get a DVD copy for pretty cheap.

Click Here to do yer homework.

The Spitvalve Podcast LXXI – Beef Between the Nails and the Bizkit


Every podcast that posts a show today is going to say something about using it to escape from your family, and now that I’ve mentioned it it’s too late for me not to say the same thing. But this episode is a nice intimate family affair, with Wharff & Damon cozying up for a two hander. Wharff’s ruggedness really shines through, but I must warn you, there are spoilers for the current elk season.

Topics were greatest hits, but not Pets.

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The Spitvalve Podcast LXX – Rear Window


Lady energy on this week’s episode. As Wharff is off being quite rugged, Damon invites show favourite, and fellow indoor kid, Liz down to talk real talk. Liz was kind and persuasive enough to bring her friend Jamie to round out the line up. Jamie was delightful, if a little mic-shy. But it was her first time, give it up for her.
[applause break]
Wondering about the episode’s title? Stay tuned until next week, kiddies!

Topics were:
Last Movie You Saw
Still Haven’t Seen
Let’s Play a Game: Name That

Click here for an all-time favourite.


The Spitvalve Podcast LXIX – Spitvalve Public Radio


Maybe one of the principle members of this show had a weird thing in his throat for a couple weeks and caused us to burn through our small buffer of shows. Maybe he recorded a mini episode to throw up this week, but then hated it and destroyed it and recorded a new one. Maybe he got caught up in the spirit of the season. Hopefully you’re able to get down with it, and we’ll be back to the regular power pack next week.

Click here for wrestling promos set to music.

Topic was: Scary Movies

The Spitvalve Podcast LXVIII – Mars Needs Airbenders


What would we do without Bethteva James? Once again we are indebted to him and his lustful baritone, as he swings in to join us for the first episode in the all-new Goathead Studios. Not only that, but he’s the first guest to speak into our all new microphones, so you really get to experience that aforementioned lustful baritone. I think our next goal, technologically, is going to be having everybody’s microphone feed into separate episodes to be played at once on different stereos, Zaireeka-style. We discuss the character map, give some handy tips for summons Apple daemons (or iDaemons), and get all weepy.

Topics were:

I Wish I Could
Worst Book You’ve Ever Read
Things That Make You Cry (But Shouldn’t)

Click here for one weird tip.

The Spitvalve Podcast LXVII – 24 Karat Entertainment Center


You might want to make sure you seat doubles as a flotation device before embarking on this journey. Join us as Wharff, Damon, and Cousin Caleb ramble on for a record 2 hour and 13 minute podcast. Seriously, we’re not joking. You’ll want to stick around for all of it too, as we are replete with nuggets of wisdom to share, like how you should compliment girls for smelling good. Serious, we could be charging for this stuff.

Topics Were:

First Date
Cartoon Smörgåsbord
Best Film in a Franchise

Click Here to make a party anywhere, anytime.

The Spitvalve Podcast LXVI – Changing Lives


I was actually just thinking about the phrase “Tweet us your thesis” (*See Episode LI, True Believer!), and how it’s simultaneously satisfying and frustrating. I think the word hiatus is very much the same sort of sound collection. High ate us. Hee yat oos. Hiya!tus. It’s so nebulous. Ooooh! Nebulous is a good one. Why am I rambling about these words, lovely though they be? It’s because this episode was recorded months ago, and I didn’t really remember what was going on in it. But now I’m warmed up enough that I can tell you it’s a good one. James is our special guest, and Dave (imagine that, True Believers!) returns as cohost! So not only is this episode refreshing in that it’s our first post since my birthday, but it’s also Dave’s first appearance since Episode XXXII. Please forgive us if our references are somewhat dated, and if we complain about how hot it is. And please enjoy.

Topics Were:

First Albums
Best Gifts
Lord of the Rings Draft

Click Here to get a personal pan pizza because you read books as a kid.

The Spitvalve Podcast LXV – Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azerbaijan


So, remember when least episode broke a longstanding duration record for this podcast? Well, turns out it loses the record already. Brennon is back, and when Brennon gets back the gift of gab because mighty with this crew. Come and be regaled by tales of vomit, jail, 50 Shades of Grey, fighting game interplay, Nightmare Before Christmas, Dark Souls, and French directors.

Topics Were:

Food Memories
Movies Soundtracks
Underrated Media

Click Here to have fun with some stories that bear a striking resemblance to a trademarked book series that you may or may not have ordered through Scholastic as a child.

The Spitvalve Podcast LXIV – I’m a Monster


Alright everybody, remember that longest episode record we set a while back? Get ready for us to shatter it. Damon’s high school friend Sophie drops in to drop some mad truth on y’all about everything you could ever want to know in life, including how to get Dr. Who tattoos that are cool enough to make you legit, but not too obvious to tip your hand. If you notice that everyone is chatty and happy, know this: Damon installed a window air conditioner just moments prior to recording. That’s the magic of coolness everyone. Respect it. There is some good stuff here, and I’m not just saying that. The only disappointing thing is Wharff drops his best joke in the first quarter of the show, and just can never quite hit that stride again.

Topics Were:

Food Service/Retail Stories
Kid Candy vs. Adult Candy
Things You Miss About Utah When You’re Away

Click here to find the best ways to burn holes in them pockets.

The Spitvalve Podcast LXIII – To Catch Crumbs and Predators


Howdy folks! Join us in a big, welcoming round of applause for Damon’s pizza friend – Jorden! That is to say, he’s not a friend made of pizza (which would be both wondrous and strange), but a friend Damon made while delivering pizza! Little do you know, while you’re just phoning and on-lining your orders for a thin crust, extra sauce, pepperoni and mushroom pizza, there is a wild, lush ecosystem of people putting in the work to deliver you that pie. And sometimes – just sometimes – a friendship can blossom right out of the greasy cardboard! This week laughs are had, tears are shed, and we all suffer from varying levels of heat-induced lethargy. Basically, it’s every family reunion you’ve ever been to.

Topics Were:

Worst Fashion Statements
Advice For 12-Year Old You
Let’s Play a Game – Build a Title

Click Here to buy something. Literally. Something. You’ll have no idea what it is until you get it and open it! Bring some spice into your shopping life!!!